We went to Fantasy Twirl (best ice cream around) for ice cream.
On our way home the other shoe fell. Farmer said, "I need to breed a heifer (a heifer is a young female cow that has not had a calf yet. They are heifers until their first calf is born and then they are considered cows) and I need your help." The next paragraph will be technical and educational, so if you'd rather not know how this is done, jump down a paragraph.
On our farm and many others, AI (Artificial Insemination) is used to breed the cows. Inside the semen tank is a compartment that can hold up to 125 straws of semen. A straw is like a skinny stir stick for coffee. Each straw holds ½ cubic centimeter of semen and is worth $15 to $40 each. It is frozen by liquid nitrogen to over 320 degrees below zero Fahrenheit. When the straw (bull) of choice is chosen, it is taken out with a pair of plastic tweezers and placed in a container of water which is heated to 95 degrees. It takes 45 seconds to thaw the semen out. The straw is then inserted into a gun and a protective sheath is placed over the gun. Farmer sticks the end of the gun under his arm to keep it warm until insemination. Then comes the fun part. He puts on a long shoulder length plastic glove, puts his arm into the cow’s rectum and reaches in until he finds the cervix. With his hand on the cervix he uses his other hand to insert the end of the gun into the vagina of the cow and guide it through the maze of twists and turns of the cervix and into the uterus where he deposits the semen.
We went in to change clothes and my first hint at what could lay ahead was "I hope we don't have trouble catching her and wear boots!" he warned. "Oh, crap" I thought. Really, I thought that, "there's gonna be manure involved in this".
These heifers are off site from our farm and raised by another local farmer. He does a great job and the place is clean and the BEBs (Brown Eyed Bossies) look good. So we have to take all the "stuff" to his farm a few miles away.
After changing clothes we jumped in the truck to go to our barn to get the semen tank, lubrication, gloves, gun, sheaths, warming bottle and paper towel.
Farmer took extra care as he buckled the tank in the back seat of the truck. He adjusted the seat belt and you'd think he was buckling in one of the wigglies. I'm thought, “how in the heck is this gonna get hurt? It looks like it could be a torpedo shot from a submarine.” Then he explained “the semen tank is a double walled insulated container and can break and would be costly to replace.” “OK, whatever, let’s just get this done” was what was traveling through my brain.
When we got to the other farm we took out the supplies, I plugged the warmer in so it would be ready to go.
By then all the BEBs lined up to watch us and were so excited to see us. We climbed over the gate and searched for 619. She was the lucky BEB that was gonna meet her soul mate.
The thing about these BEBs were they were very calm and friendly. They didn’t shy away from you like most heifers do. We think the farmer who feeds them spends a little more time with them than most.
It was hot, humid, buggy and these critters were slobbering all over us, rubbing their heads on us and it was great fun, but it can be a bit dangerous. If they swing their head around and knock you in the process you could potentially get injured and seriously injured. But I loved it! I scratched their heads and rubbed their necks and got bumped and jostled around.
We had one other BEB to breed at the main farm and I helped with that one too.
So, while our Pastor suggested spending time together I'm thinking that Farmer owes me one. If I can wallow around in the poop, get slimed, bumped and bitten by bugs then he can endure, let's see . . . how about a pedicure with me. Yep, that ought to make it even I think.
