Rarely, do I get sick. I do not do sick very well. When you are sick you have to stay in, lay down and stop your life. All three of those things are not welcomed.
It all started on Thursday evening around 9:00 when I started getting this annoying cough. By Friday morning I was determined to ignore all symptoms that were assaulting my body. By Friday evening I wasn’t so cocky and had to pay attention to the enemy that invaded me. After all, he came in with a dump truck and ran me over a few times and left an elephant on my chest. No matter how many spasms and oxygen deprived minutes from non-stop coughing the critter would not be moved. Add to that the fact that with every wracking cough my brain was hurtled against my skull.
Saying I had a headache would be equivalent to saying Donald Trump needed some change.
In my 76 degree warm home I was still shivering with long underwear, flannel pants, t-shirt, sweatshirt, full length heavy robe and wrapped in a blanket. There was nothing within a foot of me that didn’t ache. The back of my knee caps hurt, when I breathed out there was a rebounding pain in my chest and I would have taken any drug to make it better, legal, safe or black market.
Saturday morning I got dressed and went to the med station sans make-up or hair that had been coifed. You know I’m near death if I leave home like that. Thankfully I was ushered in immediately and was left draped over the chair. The first two who saw me said “Sounds like you have influenza. Did you get a flu shot”? “No” I croaked.
After being “tickled” in the nose (by the way, never trust a doctor who says he is going to “tickle” you. It’s the same as when they say “this may cause some discomfort”. Doctors lie.) I found out it was not influenza just a nasty 5 – 7 day lasting virus. Go home and go to bed and drink plenty of fluids. I did get a prescription for a cough medicine.
I had about enough energy to go to the drive through pharmacy at the large grocery store nearby before collapsing. On my way to the drive through Son #4 called and asked if I got the toilet paper for the barn that they needed a week ago. “Crap” I thought – in more ways than one. I had to get TP before going home. I would never make it all the way to the back of the huge store to get the TP and survive.
So, I dropped off the prescription and drove a block away to the corner drug store where I thought I had a chance of physically making it into the store and back out without falling flat on my face. It took the whole 20 minutes to accomplish what would normally have been a five minute deal.
Thankfully when I returned to the drive through the drug was ready and I made it home without lapsing into semi-consciousness.
The rest of Saturday, Sunday and Monday was spent in the recliner, slurping the cough syrup and falling asleep to more Lifetime Movies than anyone person should endure in their lifetime.
Other than a blizzard I have not been stuck at home for five straight days (I didn’t count the trip to the med station considering I had this weird black buzzing cloud around my head the whole time).
Thankfully, I am down to the annoying cough and a few aches now and then.
The sad thing is that I was home for five straight days and not a single thing on my to do list got done.
I learned a few of things. One – just when you think you can’t feel any worse, you can. Two – this too will pass, if you can live long enough. Three – I am a total whiner when sick. Four – when they say five to seven days, just because you are an overachiever, it won’t change. Five – I need to be grateful every day I am not sick. More so than I thought I was.
One realization that might help the male species out there. When you are sick and you are going through the hot, cold, shiver, sweat stage of the flu, that is what your wife is going through on a regular basis. Flu symptoms are the nibblets that hot flashes and hormonal issues cut their teeth on. So, be a good man, be kind, gentle and attentive because the next time she is suffering remember, like the flu, this will too will pass, but it will be back again and again and again.
