Another week has trudged by.
Another week of doing, being and existing.
A very full life I live filled with family and friends, but, while living the life I second guess where my time is spent.
When I am volunteering, I think about all the stuff at home. While working in the office at home I am thinking about that next writing project or the next drama I am involved with at church. While I am cleaning house I am writing that crazy wonderful novel in my head. The few moments I sit at the computer with the intent of writing I feel the need to check Facebook, my calendar, and emails.
I feel like I am either behind or disconnected.
I actually went on a two day get away. It did not qualify as a vacation but it was heavenly. I had no plans, meandered, ate, and played. My shoulders felt lighter and my muscles relaxed. And then, it was time to go back home.
I love my home. I love my life. I love my family. But, there just seems to be a lot of “stuff” that needs dealing with. Why must I be so responsible and feel the need to take care of “stuff”. Some of this “stuff”, actually 90% of this “stuff” is out of my control. I am at the mercy of others and it is not an easy place to be. I have been disappointed and let down in the past and I really don’t want to reside there.
I hear “you just got to trust God” a lot and while I agree, the trusting part isn’t as easy as it sounds. I get there for a while and then slip back into the “I need to take care of this” mode and the trust slips away.
The hard part of the trusting is the not doing. I am a doer. I don’t not do very well.
So, in an attempt to be more transparent and real, there you have it.
Time to do those deep breathing exercises.
