After traveling the Family farming road for 40 plus years I
feel like I’ve learned a few things. Things I wish I knew when I took that
first step. I wouldn’t trade my life for anything. The indescribable joy and great
feelings of accomplishments and even the crappy, hard, gut wrenching places
Farmer and I have walked through. Not every step is covered in poop, yet when
you least expect it, you’re walking in it. Every good day we have is a day to
celebrate and treasure.
1.
We should have sent each kid off the farm to
work for someone else for at least 6 months.
Until and unless they see and experience something else, they will not value and appreciate what they have. There is value in being under authority and direction of another boss than parents. They also have the opportunity to learn other ways to do things and perhaps bring some good changes to the farm.
Until and unless they see and experience something else, they will not value and appreciate what they have. There is value in being under authority and direction of another boss than parents. They also have the opportunity to learn other ways to do things and perhaps bring some good changes to the farm.
2.
Designate and create individual positions on the
farm.
Don’t assume your kids can work side by side productively and peacefully. Clear boundaries and specified duties may prevent strife and stepping into another’s “space”. Find their strengths and build on them.
Don’t assume your kids can work side by side productively and peacefully. Clear boundaries and specified duties may prevent strife and stepping into another’s “space”. Find their strengths and build on them.
3.
Have your kids call you by your name while at
work.
Using your proper name in the workplace removes the family ties. If they get ticked off at you as the boss it may help from carrying over to being upset with Mom or Dad.
Using your proper name in the workplace removes the family ties. If they get ticked off at you as the boss it may help from carrying over to being upset with Mom or Dad.
4.
Don’t provide extra perks. Make them earn them.
Many farms include housing and other extras for their kids and some employees. Let them find and pay for things on their own. You will NEVER be able to keep things fair and there will ALWAYS be someone who keeps track.
Many farms include housing and other extras for their kids and some employees. Let them find and pay for things on their own. You will NEVER be able to keep things fair and there will ALWAYS be someone who keeps track.
5.
Know that there will be someone who is never
satisfied with your decisions.
If there is a discussion that needs a resolution that sides with one or another kid, there will be someone not satisfied with the decision and may even feel wronged.
If there is a discussion that needs a resolution that sides with one or another kid, there will be someone not satisfied with the decision and may even feel wronged.
6.
Realize there is a risk of strained family
relationships when working together.
It is very hard if not impossible to keep family and work separate. When you have several family members and extended members with different views of things there will always be someone who feels slighted, or treated unfairly. Don’t take the burden on of trying to smooth feathers and realize it will look and be messy at times. If you stand in the farmyard arguing and disagreeing at 9:00am it’s difficult to set it aside at noon for family dinner.
It is very hard if not impossible to keep family and work separate. When you have several family members and extended members with different views of things there will always be someone who feels slighted, or treated unfairly. Don’t take the burden on of trying to smooth feathers and realize it will look and be messy at times. If you stand in the farmyard arguing and disagreeing at 9:00am it’s difficult to set it aside at noon for family dinner.
7.
When the kids marry, realize the spouses are all
different.
Don’t expect in-law A to want or like the same actions as in-law B, C or D. What one likes, the other may feel as an intrusion. And that’s OK – everyone has different personalities, you just need to discover what that person prefers and not be offended when they let you know you’re taking the wrong path with them.
Don’t expect in-law A to want or like the same actions as in-law B, C or D. What one likes, the other may feel as an intrusion. And that’s OK – everyone has different personalities, you just need to discover what that person prefers and not be offended when they let you know you’re taking the wrong path with them.
8.
Don’t try to be the buffer between your spouse
and the kids.
As a mom I believe most moms fall into the peacemaker position in the family. Nothing makes mama happier than when all the kids play well together. Especially as a mom with a heart full of love for each and every player it really can twist her heart and cause pain. When the messiness of the business is brought home and mama hears all sides she is always trying to smooth things out. Being in the middle always guarantees being beaten up.
As a mom I believe most moms fall into the peacemaker position in the family. Nothing makes mama happier than when all the kids play well together. Especially as a mom with a heart full of love for each and every player it really can twist her heart and cause pain. When the messiness of the business is brought home and mama hears all sides she is always trying to smooth things out. Being in the middle always guarantees being beaten up.
9.
Enjoy the good times and learn to adjust.
There will be side splitting laughter, practical jokes, enjoyable times and you will hope and pray it will always be this way. It won’t. Make sure you value those times you have. Understand that life is a series of adjustments. Changes come and you will face a mountain of uncertainty. You will learn to accept the change, adjust your direction and move forward with the hope that you’re going in the right direction.
There will be side splitting laughter, practical jokes, enjoyable times and you will hope and pray it will always be this way. It won’t. Make sure you value those times you have. Understand that life is a series of adjustments. Changes come and you will face a mountain of uncertainty. You will learn to accept the change, adjust your direction and move forward with the hope that you’re going in the right direction.
10.
There is life beyond the farm.
If for some reason there is a shift in your farm and someone leaves or you need to walk away realize your life will not end. Even when you have spent the last 50 years growing the family farm and would not take any amount of money for your land and critters, life goes on. It won’t be what you always dreamed of or what you may have wanted, but you will survive. It will be tricky finding your footing and knowing which way to turn. And, if you leave it in God’s hands you may be surprised that the future can be better than the past.
If for some reason there is a shift in your farm and someone leaves or you need to walk away realize your life will not end. Even when you have spent the last 50 years growing the family farm and would not take any amount of money for your land and critters, life goes on. It won’t be what you always dreamed of or what you may have wanted, but you will survive. It will be tricky finding your footing and knowing which way to turn. And, if you leave it in God’s hands you may be surprised that the future can be better than the past.
