There is this romantic view of what it’s like to be a farm wife and farm mom. We make huge luscious breakfasts and send our husband and sons out the door to work the land. Meanwhile we stay behind and can tomatoes, make jam and sew those curtains for the kitchen windows.
Not so much anymore.
Many of us farm women are just as much farmers as the men are – imagine that!
We jump into the combine, tractors, choppers and travel over the fields just like the men do. We milk the cows, haul the poop, deliver calves and fix machinery.
On top of all those “farm like” jobs we generally are the ones who cook the meals, clean the house, wash the clothes and cart the kids.
All that is manageable and we sort of expect that, deal with it and move on.
The part that gets tough is when we get stuck. We get stuck between the sons and fathers - between the daughters and fathers - between the sons and sons – between daughters and sons and so on and so on. When you love every player on the board and one comes up against another for whatever reason it’s difficult to be the calm voice. It’s extremely hard when you disagree with the dad and he’s the boss. You then are accused of being a mom and not a rational player. I’m just going to say it here and now. Some men are just plain clueless. They have no idea how their words, tone of voice or reasoning (or lack of) comes across. Part of the problem is this is a whole new generation and the sons don’t view things the way their father does. And, the father forgets the tug and pull they had with their own father years ago.
Also in the dance to keep harmony we are usually blamed by both sides. We are accused of taking sides when all we are trying to do is blend the lines so there are no sides. At times we feel like we can never win and we are a casualty left lying alongside the road. We can’t please anyone and we disappoint everyone.
I also think it is harder for a mother to separate family and work. We have a habit of blending it all together where some of the guys can make a distinct division. Us women – not so much.
We are concerned the fall-out from a blow up at the farm will carry enough weight that it will damage the core of the family. And for most of us there is nothing more important than the family staying a family.
So while there are times that farming together as a family is a divinely, cohesive, lovely, wonderful experience it can also be hell on earth trying to keep the peace and people loving each other. As the mother on a family farm I have been on the roller coaster way too long and would love to figure out a way to jump off.
