In the last few days I’ve spoken with three different women from three different states and the stress level is high.
We normally hear about the stress farmers are under and those farmers are female too, but I’m referring to the female farmer that is also the mother or wife.
As a woman I think we are naturally nurturers (not saying guys aren’t) and in that role we seem to feel like we need to be the one who holds everyone together.
We watch our husbands worry over not getting the crops in. Or when the machinery breaks down and tensions are rising we women have an overwhelming desire to fix things or to at least help our guys feel better.
“Fixing things” is not attainable yet we strive to the point of dismay.
We see relationships between husband and son, husband and wife, sons and sons . . . the list could go on – deteriorate with each passing day that field work is stalled.
We watch as tensions rise and words are quick and sharp when normally they aren’t present.
We see the body language change. The hand running through the hair, the rubbing of the back of the neck, the tiredness in their eyes.
We try unsuccessfully to be the buffer between our farmer and bad news.
This year with so much going against us it seems worse. We should be finishing corn planting yet we have not a single kernel in the ground. Too wet. Then yesterday we had a few hours where we could have started before the rain came again but the corn planter was down. It was a holiday and with all the high tech going on farmers are at the mercy of their dealers. So, today the planter will be fixed while the rain comes back.
Simple questions about a field between father and son, mother and son etc. becomes accusatory without effort.
Conversations begin and end with negativity.
Sleep comes but rest doesn’t always accompany it.
Whether we women are side by side working, in a supporting role such as bookwork, runner, cooking for the guys or whatever, we watch.
We watch and then we try to fix.
When we come to one and try to get them to see the other person’s perspective we usually get caught in the cross fire.
Sometimes we watchers just listen. A husband or son will slip in the sit at the table and let their frustrations with others go. It’s a good dumping place. A place where the tension can spill out and give them some room to breathe for a while. But, the spill is usually soaked up by the watcher/listener. You can’t let the spill sit on the floor.
There’s a lot of attention on farmers and their emotional stability as there should be. This is a tough time.
I just want to turn the attention to the watchers.
For you farmers, sons, husbands please consider the watchers in your life. Be careful not to dump too much. Take some time to be the listener. Ask her how she’s doing. Find something positive to say. Even if you have to state the obvious – “Well, another rainy day. We’ll just have to figure it out.” Instead of “I can’t believe it. Another rainy day. When will it ever stop? How in the world will get out crops in and with milk prices so low how will. . . . ”
Watchers are strong and sturdy. Yet even the strongest trees will fall when the winds of adversity last too long.
To all the watchers out there – you are seen and cared for by the greatest Watcher of all. God stands beside you as you try to make peace and find an answer. He hears your frustration and sees your tears. He knows your heart and how divided it can be with the relationships you have. He watches as your mind spins and spins for answers. He knows. He sees. And he has one thing for you to know. You are not God. You are not responsible for everyone and everything. He watches and waits for us to take all our troubles and lay them down. He works better when we aren’t trying to “help’.
As a watcher, it’s a daily task for me to “lay it down”. We want fast, quick fixes but it doesn’t work that way.
As we daily practice to “lay it down” it does become easier at times.
Bottom line – watchers can’t fix. Give it all to the Head Watcher.
