50 and Counting
A week ago today, on the 11th of September, Farmer and I celebrated our 50th wedding anniversary. I didn’t write about it then because of the historical somberness of the day.
So how has the last 50 years been? Happy, sad, great, horrible, tolerable? Yep, all the above.
There are things I remember about the day 50 years ago and I’m not sure what I thought about the possibility of being married 50 years or not, but I never ever imagined my life looking like it does now.
Would I do it again? Some days I think – in a heartbeat. Some days I think – if I could change some things. And on the really bad days I think – if I could still have my kids, no.
Fifty years ago the possibilities were endless. I was starry eyed and so naive. That year I graduated in June, turned 18 in July, and was married in September. I had never ever lived my life alone or been responsible totally for myself. Which in one way was a good thing. I might have actually left my marriage if I would have known I could survive well on my own. But I doubt it.
Farmer and I are so so different. My emotion tank needs to be filled on a regular basis – it’s an expensive, high-quality tank. Farmer got the Dollar Store tank. To say he meets that need for me regularly is quite a joke. I have figured ways around it for the most part.
He is a procrastinator on hard things or things he doesn’t want to do. I do the hard things, the “have to but don’t want to do” things first. Get them out of the way.
He needs to have 37 questions answered before making a move. I sprint out of the gate and think I will be able to figure things out on the journey.
He’ a messy, not one to totally finish the job. I need order. I love to organize and structure my day. Although, my house doesn’t always display this.
I came from work being done and dad home by 4. Supper every night. Weekends off. Vacations up north yearly. I entered a world of dinner together on Sundays. There are no weekends. There is Sunday where only the necessary things get done. And vacations – there have been a few but most vacations are read about or seen through facebook and friends.
Too many years were spent with the farm as an enemy. I was never really “invited” into the farm. I was busy with the kids for many years and the farm was just a place where Farmer went, and it paid our bills – more or less.
It wasn’t until later that I weaseled my way in with the kids and got involved and now what was my enemy is my most treasured friend.
There’s a saying something like – “Work hard, be honest, do your best and you will be a success.” Well, that is totally true depending on your definition of success.
If you equate financial freedom as success, then no. The last several years of farming have been horrible. No amount of hard work could change the milk prices, the weather or other factors of farming. And this past year the government alone is lending anchors when life rafts are needed.
If you equate health, family, friends, full bellies, clothes on your back, a warm home and friends who love you, then yes, most definitely.
All in all, how is it being married 50 years?
Well, he is not my best friend as I read so many times. He is not my knight in shining armor as I thought he would be. Knights can rust in their armor. He is not my hope and dreams – no one could or should have to live up to that.
What he is, is steadfast. I told a couple of the boys who wished me Happy Anniversary on that day “the least you can say about us is, we don’t give up.” I said it with a smile on my face but there is truth in that.
When we said, “I do”, it was “we did”. No turning back, no do overs, no let’s see if we can find happiness another place.
I doubt there isn’t many others that would have put up with me for 50 years or stayed with him either.
The one thing we have in common is our love of God. Our commitment to his plan and each other.
Do I wish things were different? Yes, most definitely. But I am also well aware of how much worse it could be.
God has heaped blessings upon blessings into our lives and I know there are piles more waiting to cover us.
We are in a season of change and many changes are coming our way. We probably won’t agree on all of them. We probably will argue about some of them. The one thing we will do together is, do it together.
EDIT ADDED:
I was told this writing made it sound like I had a miserable life. That is not my intent. I am very blessed with my life, and I love my husband and he loves me.
The reason I wrote it is because I have chosen to be transparent and real. I see so many “pie in the sky”, “life is like a beach vacation”, “nothing could be better” presentations of life and that’s as false as the nightly news.
My desire was to give hope to others. That if they were struggling or weren’t where they thought they would be – you know like all the romance novels you read, etc. – that they aren’t alone.
Life comes with twists and turns – how you maneuver them is your choice. I chose to expose some of the bumps and the fact that we went off the road and on to the shoulder at times.
But – we always come back to the middle of the road and if you chose, you can climb out of any ditch and get back on the road too.
So, please read the love in this and know that the journey has been worth it.
