So many stories.
So much heartache.
People hurt people. When we take that hurt and allow it to linger, we start down a path of destruction.
“I don’t get to see my grandchildren. They live 3 miles away and I can’t go to their soccer games, etc.”
“They never called to see how I was after my surgery.”
“It’s been four years since we’ve spent Thanksgiving together. Grama is gone now so it will never be the same. We missed the last years with Grama.
“I delivered birthday presents to their back door and they put them out in the driveway. I had to quit driving by their house. Seeing their complete contempt for me was too much.”
Hurt feelings that aren’t dealt with will snowball into bitterness. And it’s a lot harder to rid yourself of bitterness than hurt.
Sometimes when we get hurt, we wrap that hurt around us like a blanket. We wind it around and around. We get used to it. Some of us even get to the point that we enjoy carrying the hurt. The thought of taking if off seems unreasonable.
“If I take off the hurt, then they won. I need to wear the hurt to remind them, myself, and the world that I am the victim.”
But carrying that blanket of hurt lends to a breakdown in your body. The blanket becomes heavier and heavier and will impede all aspects of your life. The hurt has morphed into bitterness.
Bitterness is like the blanket has melded to your body. To peel off the blanket now will cause more pain. And everyone around you is touched by your pain. The bitterness seeps out from under the blanket and taints the ground around you. Taints relationships and in general creates toxic waste wherever you go.
One farm woman told me “it’s hard to remember when things were good. We had a great family. We had wonderful times together. The kids growing up – so many memories. Those memories are getting harder to remember and to tell you the truth, being in business together just to have this kind of relationship was not worth it. All those good, wonderful times together. The working through the storms. The late nights in the barns. The meals out in the fields. All that wonderfulness is not enough to sooth the pain of the bitterness against us. If I had to do it again. I wouldn’t include my kids in the farm. I’d much rather have a whole family now than a splintered one with past good memories that are fading.”
There are many legit reasons to feel the pain of unfairness, selfishness, ungratefulness, deception, going back on your word. Those of us who feel the pain need to feel it, then take it off and put it in a box and burn it.
Unforgiveness and bitterness is not a one-way issue. It affects both generations of transitioning.
Once again, each party needs to take a minute and try to envision what the other side is walking through. Things could go much smoother if we would try to get behind each other’s eyes and see the world through their experiences, their past, their hopes and dreams.
Transition can be a dream killer for all sides. The dreams of slowly stepping back. The dreams of helping and having some value while the next generation picks up the baton and continues. Dreams of taking the business to new places, doing new things or different things.
All those and more can be slaughtered with unforgiveness when if given just a little thought of coming together for the other person could change the landscape of life for both.
Purpose to rid yourself of unforgiveness.
Hell doesn’t deserve any more victories.
. . . to be continued
If you have anything you want to share anonymously, message me.
