“I just don’t know where to start. I am so overwhelmed I’ll never get everything done” I moaned to Farmer. Knowing that I would never, ever in a blue, green or any kind of moon get the response from him as the one he gives in my head
- “What can I do to help you sweetie”? Yeah – there’s a better chance of purple snow falling from the sky than that. So, his response came, typical yet nonproductive “Well, you’ll just have to not do something. Cut something out.”
“OK” I thought, “like that’s gonna happen.”
This is what I do and let’s see what I can cut out.
1. Take care of the office work for the farm. Who else will scratch off dried up poop from an invoice to decide if that number is a 7 or a 1? Farmer says he could do it, but I fear the pile up would become avalanche size and my beloved cat could be buried alive. Let’s not forget that some of our vendors might not like not getting paid.
2. Wash clothing. Well, we could run around filthy for a while, but eventually the clothes would rot off. Farming buck naked could be dangerous with all the moving equipment and I for one would be afraid of being mistaken for a runaway hippo.
3. Cook meals. While this slows down a bit in the winter time, it increases when the pool is open. During the summer months when everyone is hanging around the pool I quite frequently offer supper to whoever is here. Since I try to be fair, I always call whoever isn’t here and invite them for supper, too. So, I become a cafeteria lady, without the hair net. And, it is family time – not gonna cut down on family time.
4. Work at the bookstore. While I receive a paltry amount for my above average service, I could not survive without my bookstore buddies and customers. I work with three other women. There are a lot of jokes about women working together, but we do complement each other well. In fact, my boss keeps me grounded and Farmer should be sending her flowers on a regular basis. “Be nice to Farmer” she says as I roll my eyes thinking “He should be glad he isn’t covered in syrup while he sleeps.”
5. Write. Now, if I gave that up you wouldn’t be snickering at this right now and I really can’t deprive you of that, right? Where else would you get such quality whining, ramblings and rants?
6. Wigglie time. No way, no how. My wigglies are my reward for not eating my young. I have suffered through years of bleacher sitting, hours in the med center waiting for something or the other to be sewn up, white knuckling car rides, temper tantrums, broken windows, loose snakes in the house and enough dead animals to start a land fill to not enjoy those wigglies.
7. Sleep. I just read an article that stated not enough sleep can cause you to be overweight. There you have it. It has nothing to do with Mochas, cookies or chocolate but everything to do with the fact that I am too stinking busy to sleep. Even when I do find the sheets my brain is still trying to accomplish three more things.
8. BEBs and the barn. I did cut out a lot of yard work this past year by having daughter-in-law #2 take over the lawn duties. She also does a wonderful job keeping the flowers smiling. I do “assist” Farmer with various bovine activities and who better to hold a tail up or chase after BEBs running a muck than me?
9. Clean house. Now, we might just be onto something here. What would happen if I just let that one thing go? How long would it take to lose a wigglie in the mess? How fast will a mutant flesh eating germ appear? Do they make skid steers with buckets narrow enough to go through my front door? Wait a minute, how much do you suppose those hoarders get paid for displaying their piles of crap on TV. Maybe if mine gets bad enough, I could make a deal with TLC, make some good money and then pay for someone to do all the “stuff” I need to do.
If I’m really, really smart, I’ll do this good enough to have money left over to go on a vacation. Now, should I take Farmer or not?
