My Dad.
I can never find the words to describe him or how I feel about him. To say I am blessed with my father is beyond simplistic.
I’ve always had a special relationship with him. I think we are wired alike in many ways. He’s a doer, not a sitter. He feels responsible for those around him. More than anything he wants to know his family will spend eternity with him in heaven.
I have volumes of memories that I can page through for days.
I learned how to ride a bike with him by my side. I can never look at a corn field without replaying my time in the garden with dad planting rows of sweet corn. Target practice with bow and arrow, dad driving me to piano lessons, learning to swim up north and on and on it goes.
In the evenings when I went to bed my dad always came in my bedroom and we would chat a few minutes about the day. Those chats never ended without an “I love you.” After I was married and came to visit I would find notes from him on the kitchen table that he left – knowing that I would leave for home after he went to work. I have a stack that I have saved.
I could fill this whole blog with who he is.
The one thing my dad believed that we all disagreed with was that once he turned 70 his days were counted. He needed hip surgery for many years and finally gave in when he was about 80.
Fast forward to now – he is 89. He will turn 90 in March, Lord willing.
And, that’s where we are now.
He’s been in and out of the hospital recently with fevers and weakness. A few years ago, he developed endocarditis and while he bounced back it was never back as far as we would have liked but he was doing well.
This past week after changing hospitals (that is another story in itself. If ever you need to be an advocate, it’s in the medical world) we have learned that my dad has a type of lymphoma. I probably won’t have all the accurate medical terms, etc. but this is what we know. We will not be pursuing any more tests for a clearer picture because we will not be putting him through any treatments – his wishes, my mom’s wishes and ours.
My dad has fought the good fight for many years and it’s time for his reward. Heaven.
This past week has been an extremely emotional one for my brothers, sisters, mother and me.
Every birthday, every holiday, every family gathering we always thank God that our family is still intact. We don’t take the gift of family for granted.
That’s another bonus from my parents. An amazing family unit that has solidified over the years. While some families ravel as time passes ours has become stronger with each addition through marriage or birth.
This week has been decision filled to the point of exhaustion. Some of us kids have been able to come together physically through the week. Our brains have played out scenarios that will never happen and are trying to be prepared for those that might.
Our goal is to have mom and dad home where we enjoy each other’s company, keep them as independent as is safe and continue to love each other as we always have.
The bulk of the care will fall on my brother who lives in the same town. He is amazing. He retired a year or so ago and has become our main caretaker. He and his wife do an excellent job with my parents.
The rest of us who live 2 hours and the opposite end of the US away travel regularly to share in the honor of loving my parents through this part of life. We have a tendency to need to fight guilt because we can’t do as much as my brother can due to the distances and realities of life. While I am buried at times with the farm my other siblings have their own responsibilities that can’t be brushed off.
This has been a sweet time as well as tear filled. We never leave my parents or each other’s company without a physical show of affection. You can’t depart without a hug. This week the hugs are more often and are held longer. The tears flow more freely and the words have slowed down and replaced with the physicality of our embraces.
We watch our mom become stronger than she has ever shown in the past. She may lose her lifelong partner. I say may because we have no clue what God has in store. God’s calling each of us home is on his Perfect Calendar which we aren’t privy to.
We are all in agreement that Dad has earned his reward and we would love to have him enjoy it sooner than later. Later most likely will be accompanied with more hardships.
And, while we want his journey to take him across the finish line we also want to hold him back for just a little longer.
We don’t know the day, the hour or how, but we know there is a time that Heaven will call and the door will be opened and dad will walk through into the most glorious space that our minds cannot begin to imagine. That we are grateful for. That we look forward to for each of us.
I pray I pass my desire of eternity to my children. That our family will continue to grow stronger with each addition and that the love my parents have sown into us will blossom and reproduce in each of my children.
For now, Heaven is calling but the door isn’t opened.
At some point, we will see the door swing wide and while we can’t follow we will wave goodbye knowing that when it opens for us Dad will be on the other side waiting with great anticipation.
