With all this social distancing, which equals to some close quarters with others, communication is either going to improve of slide down the toilet.
Even the written communication needs help. Yes, you can’t hear the tone of voice or see the facial expressions to determine somethings but for some it is nigh unto impossible to “listen”.
Here are a few examples or suggestions – just from my place of listening. And we all have room for improvement.
1. Don’t interrupt. Why do we think what we have to say should override another person’s attempt to communicate? Are we smarter than them? Some of us are so sure what the other person will say that they need to answer before the full statement or question is uttered. What is that? Arrogance? I’m not sure.
Everyone deserves the right to fully say their lines in the act of life. For me/you to cut off someone in mid-sentence is rude, arrogant, uncaring and maybe even a little lack of confidence on my/your part to allow the full thought of the other person to take shape.
2. Don’t give a reason for someone to want to cut you off. Wow, that sounded hypocritical didn’t it. Some of us don’t know how to state our 2 line thought without using a paragraph. We don’t know how to state the message without expounding eloquently (which is just another word for unnecessarily) and going on and on and on. Some are so “hell bent” on being right they think they need to say it over and over again for you to either hear it or understand it – at least their version.
3. When in conversation be present. That doesn’t mean physically in the room – although that needs to be addressed too. When someone is speaking and you’re done listening, walking away is dismissive at best. The person speaking should be allowed to talk to the face of the person who should be listening.
Which means, put down the paper, turn off the TV, give attention to the one sharing.
4. If you are the listener and the conversation is coming at you like bullets and you just can’t take another hit, perhaps you could hold up your hand and just calmly say “I need a minute, I can’t process what you are trying to say. My emotions won’t let me think. I’ll be back in 5 minutes.” Physically leaving will give you some time to bandage your wounds before going back and hopefully the other person can reflect on what was said and rehearse a better version.
5. The written word – AKA social media – oh my. It amazes me the level of surety some have when they want to correct another person’s narrative. One example – someone who will disagree with your political views and paint your choice as an evil, mean spirited person. Saying your candidate or person of choice uses words and actions that are deplorable. But, for some reason when they rip you to shreds on your social platform, showing mean spiritedness, their words and their opinion are nothing but correct, undisputable. Meanwhile the ugly, unkind, mean, message they are complaining about is alive and well within them.
6. Somewhere along the line, this social media has become a platform of I’m right, you’re wrong. It’s black or white, yes or no. Many can’t even begin to hold their views up to the light to see if there might be a flaw, a correction or perhaps an addition or removal of a thought. If our conviction is so fragile that we can’t view another person’s position then there’s a problem. In my opinion, intelligence grows with testing.
But when trying to share my/your view of the subject we must present it in a way that doesn’t feel like we are being run over by a bulldozer.
7. Communication whether verbal or written is like an old fashioned metronome on top of a piano. It swings from side to side evenly. We speak faster than we listen. It would make sense we should take more time to listen before we speak. Stop and really listen instead of planning on what you are going to say in response before the full issue is stated by the other person.
Bottom line let kindness reign. If we can’t figure out kindness in today’s world our enemies need not do a thing. We will self-implode. There are a lot of good people with caring hearts, great minds and possible solutions that will never be heard by some others because their kindness quotient won’t allow it.
Conversation can be confrontationally filled with kindness.
It all goes back to listening. Listen first. Listen better. Listen with kindness.
Once we get that down we can try to speak with kindness. One thing at a time.
