Grieving Our Losses

It’s been an extremely emotional week.

The stress of trying to keep a generational family farm going is unbelievable. Most have absolutely no idea.

Our pastor started a new series concerning getting out of a season of so-called funk from all the “stuff” that happened the last 20 months. This past Sunday he suggested we grieve our losses.

I am an expert at thinking my loss is never as bad as someone else’s so I shouldn’t acknowledge it or give it feet.

I tried to do what he suggested. Write down everything you feel like you’ve lost. Time, relationships, loved ones, job etc.

Then . . . Farmer has been after me to delete pictures on my phone that aren’t needed. Heaven knows I have a few.

I picked the year 2017 to start. As I scrolled through the pictures, losses that I hadn’t acknowledged or thought of invaded my spirit.

An uncle who passed, two family pets that had to be put down, family gatherings, a niece who had passed, a past weekend getaway that hasn’t happened again, the aging of parents, aunts and the grandkids are not so little anymore. A ministry I loved. The time of life making cookies, playing with playdough and Candyland. A cancer scare of someone I love deeply. Seeing those who were special in my life become distant due to the virus. Fun family times at the pool we took down. Past flower beds that I remember planting that are no longer. Younger versions of friends. The list goes on and on. Some losses are larger than others, yet they all hold grief.

I’ve allowed myself to have tears and spend time feeling the emotions I’ve ignored. I even allowed time to imagine and see what could have been. Many of the could have beens have hinged on other people. No matter how much energy and trying I put forth, it’s not with in my ability to change others.

The greatest thing I’ve gained through this is – I got through it. God has healed. God has provided. God was there in the loss. God is there in the traveling through. And more importantly God will continue the journey with me. The blessings and answered prayers got misplaced in between the losses.

Life is hard. Life is messy. Life can be miserable. Yet, life continues until it doesn’t. I can ignore the loss and stuff it down and carry it. I can set up camp in my misery and sadness. Or I can look it square in the face. Speak to it, see it, feel it. Then pick it up and move it to the side and move forward.

Life’s path should have piles of grief on the roadside from time to time. Leaving them behind lessens the load as we travel and gives opportunity to carry the good, the joyful, the grateful and the blessings that would be competing with the losses.

Here’s hoping your path is littered along the way as you gather the good that God has for you.