Sowing Seeds of Love

When two trains of thought collide, it doesn’t have to be an inevitable derailment. 

If you’ve followed this page for very long, you know how important transparency is for me. To the point of being uncomfortable. Yet, spoken truth is always better than any beautifully staged dialogue.

Also, if you’ve followed this page much you know how important freedoms are to me. The big one now is freedom to choose the covid vaccine. People’s choices to receive or deny has caused friction and strife between family and friends.

My personal choice right now is to not receive the vaccine. A very dear family member has chosen to take the vaccine. During text conversations about our choices, feelings were hurt, and a chasm of divide began. We are actively trying to fill that chasm and come back together again.

I believe we learn from others and I’m sharing this in hopes to help others. This is my story which has been previewed by my family members and has their blessings.

To keep it short, my conversation or text was with a family member who is very intertwined with the medical field. He is an expert at what he does. He feels strongly that the CDC guidelines and treatments are the best and should be followed. And he deeply loves me.

I on the other hand feel like it’s too soon to take the vaccine and am concerned over side effects and unknown long-term issues.

Our conversation was back and forth trying to show our point of views until it became more strifeful. Another family member involved responded to me in a way that made me feel that they thought I was not a loving person. They had every right to voice their opinion and it was out of frustration and not from lack of love. Nevertheless, it was an arrow to my heart.

I had received a few other arrows concerning my view from other outside family members and I took my pain to social media and posted that I was viewed as unloving by family members. That in turn hurt the original family members.

I should have never shared my hurts and I’m not 100% sure why I did. Maybe to have some support and have the wounds licked.

For several months the division sat there like a piece of raw meat sitting in the sun. Slowly decaying and stinking.

Because of the differences of opinions on how to protect others from the virus I was respectfully shut out of the family. Which I 100% agree is their right and necessary for them. The hurt remained though.

I might add that at the beginning of the texts I was asked to sit down and have a conversation face to face. I declined. I needed to be able to write, read, re-read and edit my conversation – something I couldn’t do with words spoken. All the while my family member did better with conversation. So, this was yet another stumbling block.

Finally, through another hurtful – for both parties – incident the decision to speak in person was agreed upon.

We met face to face and the first thing that happened was a physical touch. The most meaningful gesture – a hug. And not a simple complimentary hug. It was a wrap your arms around and force love into each other accompanied by tears – and not crocodile for sure.

There were apologies on both sides. Questions were asked for clarification, and it was made clear that our answers were by no means excuses.

We spoke of our different views, and we listened intently to each other.

We still have different views of how we stay safe from the virus. But we have the same view on our love for each other.

We parted disagreeing yet respecting each other. I will still be outside their circle until things feel safer for them. Their concern isn’t for themselves but for their young daughter until she is able to be vaccinated. And that I 100% honor. I’m still sad I will not be included. And they are extremely sad as well. But for now, that is an agreeable solution and respected.

There were more hugs, more tears, and more love between us as I left.

Things are not normal but there is a heavy burden lifted, my soul is a little lighter and our bonds are growing back together.

Please, if you are in a position of strife over this virus or anything else, try to find some neutral ground. The heaviness of strife and separation is one more symptom of this virus. It’s a symptom that doesn’t have to be.

I pray you find a place for forgiveness – it will bring light to your soul and health to your body.