I am becoming what I didn’t want to be.
Retired – sort of or at least in the process.
Am I forced to? No.
Do I want to? No, Kind of, Maybe.
Am I willing to? Yes.
I didn’t see this coming, exactly. I knew the day would come but I thought it would be more gradual.
The thing is, Son #2 and family are doing too good of a job – well, let me explain.
While they’ve been in the decision-making process for a good amount of time, and have been working their tails off, we are backing off and now it’s their time to be responsible to accomplish what needs to be done. And they are doing so quite well.
In my mind I could see myself still doing things to help. Like feeding calves when necessary, merging hay – which has been a favorite of mine. In fact, the last few years while I’ve been merging, I always wondered if it would be the last. But not because of retirement, but because we would have to quit farming. So, not merging because I’m not needed is a much better reason. Nevertheless, I still am slightly sad that I haven’t been on the tractor at all this year but proud that I’m not needed because they are doing such a great job.
The other thing I could see myself continuing is working with the cows. And we still are. I’m grateful we can do this. In fact, I’m grateful we can do anything to help. Farming is tough and if we can lighten the load, then yes and amen.
Farmer is still trying to decide his next adventure. The thing about farmers – they spend a lot of time alone while farming. They have a small if any community of close friends. And this Farmer and this generation doesn’t have someone to “share” their feelings with. It’s something that wasn’t modeled to them nor practiced by them.
When you spend your whole life wrapped around the farm and then the switch gets flipped off, it’s a challenging time. There is pride in seeing the next generation stepping in. And there’s an adjustment watching when things are done without you. And an added adjustment when you see things done differently.
I don’t do “not busy” very well and it hasn’t been easy. There is sadness yet satisfaction and pride with their abilities.
I’m grateful I have Max. He helps keep me on my toes and is my walking companion. I’m a firm believer that you must keep moving and now I must find different means to accomplish this. There’s a book in my head that needs to be crafted. Sewing projects, redecorating, etc. Cupboards and closets are being cleaned out, purging is starting and I’m driving Farmer nuts.
There are many levels when transitioning. This is just a small part of the personal side.
More to come.
