You may be wondering why I am writing about this whole farm transitioning thing.
A few reasons.
1. This is what we are going through now and I’ve always tried to show all parts of farming.
2. It feels like the seminars and presentations I’ve been to are more one sided with advice.
Through the past several years I have sat through many a farm succession seminar. To the point now that if I’m attending anything that has this subject presented, I normally leave the room. Not because I don’t think I can learn more. Not because I think it isn’t important or necessary. I’m just overloaded.
So, then why am I spending all this time writing about it?
Because in my experiences with this it all seems to hinge on how are we going to provide the next generation with the ability to continue – which is key to the conversation, but what about how do we take care of the current generation who is passing it on?
Before ya’ll get riled up and say you’ve heard many presentations about this, I really haven’t – at least that I can remember or helped me with this.
So, that is the why.
For whatever reason over the years, I have been a listening ear to both sides of the coin, and I have a few things to share – take it or leave it.
To simplify – Dad = generation passing it on and Kids = new generation to take over.
Dads:
Stand down. Do not hover over, find fault, or share the “right” way to do things.
Allow mistakes. No “I told you so’s. Remember your mistakes in the past and perhaps even share a few with them to help them realize it’s part of the process.
Find opportunities to express your appreciation – good job, I would have never thought of that, etc.
Kids:
While you are trying to create your new path, consider asking your dad for advice or counsel. Show him he still has value even if he isn’t directing things.
When you make a mistake, ask for help. Admit you’re wrong.
Find opportunities to tell your dad you appreciate him teaching things, that you respect what he has done to get you to this point.
Fathers basically need to be the support system on call. The cheerleader on the sidelines. The shadow in the wings.
Don’t try to hang on to the steering wheel to keep it going where it’s always gone before if your kids are trying to travel a different trail.
Kids you can’t show enough appreciation. There aren’t enough thank yous, or I appreciate all that you’ve done. Honor and respect can help fill in the holes left in a retired farmer’s soul.
Don’t be the disrespectful kid who grabs the reins, shoves your father to the side and never looks back to see how the transition is affecting him.
There are too many parents who promised one thing and delivered another. Kids have worked their whole live being told they would inherit the farm only to discover upon parents’ death that they lost a good portion to a sibling who walked away years ago. Parents keep your word. Don’t promise what you don’t intend to deliver.
Kids have disrespected their parents. They have taken over the farm and never had a civil conversation after the fact. Some have kept financial standings from their parents, didn’t uphold their end of the deal when it came to payments for them to live on.
There is always room for Dads to encourage more from the distance and express their pride to the kids.
Kids can always do a better job of thanking Dad for the opportunity and express their appreciation of the opportunity given.
This is written in compilation of many individuals experiences.
If you have anything you would like to share anonymously, message me.
. . . to be continued . . .
